Give Me Faith

So this is THE song that has been referred to a couple of times in the last couple of blog posts. It was the song that was sang at church the morning before Emrick's seizure, and its the song that God used during all of that to encourage Jonathan so much. We have sang it every Sunday since then (I think). And, God has definitely been using it to work on my heart. This has been a rough week for me, and my spirit has reveled all kinds of evil in my heart this week...I could go on and on about all the things that have made this a rough week for me, but really, they're are just excuses for me to act immaturely, and with a hard, hard heart. So, in my attempts to be vulnerable, here are the lyrics with my own little side notes of what I am thinking when I sing it....

Give Me Faith
I need you
To soften my heart (Lord, please do this, cause right now its pretty hard in so many ways)
To break me apart (ok, don't break me apart though...that part may hurt, and well...not really up for hurting)
I need you
To open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life (sometimes I need to be reminded that You have this...You've got it...all of it)

All I am
I surrender (Well, see, can't really do that...my family, and my work??? are You really sure that You can handle that for me?)
Give me faith
To trust what You say (why do I struggle with this so?)
That You're good and Your love is great (sometimes I know and believe this, and other times, I just know, but can't really believe it, and sometimes I'm not sure, but I just have to believe it, oh, and I tear up every single time I sing this line)
I'm broken inside
I give You my life (okay, yes, I am broken, You can have me)

This is true, I go through these thoughts everytime! There is another verse, and then the chorus again, and then the bridge:

I may be weak, but Your spirit's strong in me
My flesh may fail, but my God You never will (Lord, I am so weak, and I am so thankful that You are strong, can You please just continue to prove that to me until I can't question it anymore - I SO need You)

I cannot express the thankfulness I have for a church that seeks truth, and a church that desires to teach biblical truth. It reaches our family in so many ways. On top of that, we have family, friends, a community group, work places, and so many others around us that continue lift us up, speak truth to us, and encourage us daily. There is no denying that I am somewhat struggling this week (and I don't really even have a reason), and if I am honest, have been struggling in different ways for a while. So, its overwhelming really to think about all that God has placed around me and my family to help us through...He continues to move me closer to Him, and I am thankful for all I learn in the process!

God's Hand

Wow! What a week it has been! My last post told about how terrifying our last week was, but only gave minimal detail to the ways in which we saw God's hand over the whole circumstance. Can I just tell you how awesome He is, and what grace He showed us through this experience! If you haven't read the last post, you might want to start there, and then read this one!

1.) Jonathan's parents were in town visiting for the weekend, and were getting ready to hit the road, but they hadn't left yet

2.) Donald and Mary Beth Spann (some of our closest friends) live across town, but had come by to borrow our bikes and our "child trailer" (as I call it) to go on a bike ride; they were still on our side of town riding when we called

3.) Our small group was about to begin, but our leader (Wes) had time to come by and pray with us, then go to small group with an update

4.) I work with an amazing Christian friend that was able to get my sub, and help her with plans all day, both days, and update my school, and ask them to pray for us as well!

***This is an addition: Jonathan's work was also encouraging, understanding, and flexible. His boss even sent us a text that said there was a team praying for us!

5.) The nurse at the TR hospital keep telling us to pray, we tried, but were so afraid that it was hard...we both think in song most of the time. We had sang a new song at church on Sunday, and all Jonathan could do was sing parts of the song in his head.

6.) Rebecca and Charity (more good friends) were able to bring our car to the hospital for us, and encourage me for just a minute at the hospital

7.) When Jonathan was telling Wes about hearing the song in his head, Wes pulled the song out, and said, "This one, that I printed for you."

8.) Our small group was able to join us at the hospital, pray with us, and get us dinner (for many days and nights to come)

9.) Jonathan's parents were able to stay at our house Sunday night, and take care of Bristol. They were willing to take Bristol home with them on Monday night, and Jonathan's dad was able and willing to come back on Tuesday, and stay as long as needed him to to watch Emrick, so that we could go back to work.

10.) Our sweet community group has been feeding us, and has even made trips to get various things that we needed this week so that I wouldn't have to...

11.) We go to church with our peditrician, and he was so sweet to call and check on Emrick yesterday (we kind of feel bad for him because he was out of town, and he is hearing the story on so many levels - being filled in from our church members, and from the hospital too...poor guy!)

12.) So many others have asked, called, prayed, posted on Facebook, and just simply loved us through this last week.

I am still so emotionally overwhelmed at all that God placed around us to protect and comfort us. Amazing, really!

If there is one way that you could still pray for us, it would be that we rest, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I think that it took so much more energy than we even really knew or expected. We are so incredibly thankful for a God that loves us dearly and personally, and uses others to love us that way too! Thanks for being a part in the way God has shown himself to us this week! We love you all!

Scariest.Day.Ever.

So, Sunday, October 3, 2010 is a day that the Edmonds family won't be forgetting any time soon!

Let me start at the beginning. Over the past week, Emrick hasn't felt terrific. He has had cold symptoms, has been teething, and his temperature has been running 100.2 or so. Nothing terrible, and nothing really out of the ordinary for him. I picked him up a little early from daycare on Friday.

And, since his fever was a little elevated and he felt bad, I decided to take him to the doctor on Saturday morning (Jonathan's mom came with me since they were in town). They treated a sinus infection, and said the elevated temperature was probably due to a viral infection. We went home, and tried to have him rest. He spiked once on Saturday to 103, but we kept alternating motrin and tylenol like we usually do.

Sunday, he seemed to be feeling a little better, but still felt a little feverish. We went to church, but I just kept him with me. I checked his temperature in the middle of service because he felt a little warmer. His temperature was 101. I gave him tylenol.

After church, we went to eat. He seemed fine, didn't eat great, but also didn't act like he felt all too terrible. We then went to the Greenville Zoo. He seemed fine, just a little tired due to not having a nap.

When we got home around 4:30, I noticed he felt really warm all of the sudden. Then I noticed he was shivering a little. Jonathan advised me to take his temperature, 103.6. Jonathan noticed he was somewhat unresponsive and focused on the fan in his room. We both knew something wasn't right. Susan (Jonathan's mom) is the first one that said it looked like he could be having a seizure. At that point we decided to head to the closest ER. On the ride, Emrick became completely unresponsive.

At this point, I am just going to write in bullets because so much happened so quickly:

-arrived at ER in Travelers Rest around 4:45

-they formally diagnosed a seizure and started medicating to try to get it to stop

-we move to a larger treatment room, and they continue working

-they start preparing us for the transport to Greenville Memorial Children's PICU and explain that the ambulance's sirens are precautionary

-Jonathan at some point leaves and Donald Spann is at the door, which Jonathan needed at the time

-around 5 they start talking about how this seizure is lasting longer than most febrile seizures (caused by fevers)

-spinal tap is performed to test for meningitis (at which point I'm freaking out inside)

-they asked us to step out while they did the tap, and our community group leader (Wes Cavin) was there, and I pretty much broke down while he prayed for us

-they let us back in and he calms down, and basically goes to sleep (a deep drug induced sleep)

-ambulance arrives and we make our trek down to Memorial (we actually didn't drive with sirens and lights since he wasn't seizing anymore)

-arrived at Memorial around 7 pm

-by 8pm our community group was here, as well as our community group pastor, some other close friends from church, the Spanns and Jermile were all at the hospital with us (we prayed, cried, and felt so extremely blessed by this)

-Sunday night he was out until about 11:30

-at 11:30, he woke up and came to enough that I felt like my baby was back

-Sunday night was pretty restless, with at least seven cords hooked to him, he just couldn't get comfortable

-we were moved into a regular room (out of ICU) on Monday afternoon

-we had a couple of more meaningful visits

-Monday was somewhat frustrating because he was so sleepy and has absolutely no idea what he wants...and extremely fussy (but we'll take that over what we had Sunday afternoon for sure)

Our hope is that he will be able to head home Tuesday at some point. Such an emotional and scary experience, but once again, God was able to use it to remind us that we are loved and that we have such an amazing support group. I can't not thank, you, everyone that was praying with and for us the past two days. Even as I type this, I am overwhelmed at the blessing that we have received. God is good, and He was good on Sunday, and we will continue to praise Him.

*I'm sure when I'm a little more coherent, I'll be editing, but just wanted to write what I could remember while it was fresh.