Friday, October 22, 2010

Give Me Faith

So this is THE song that has been referred to a couple of times in the last couple of blog posts. It was the song that was sang at church the morning before Emrick's seizure, and its the song that God used during all of that to encourage Jonathan so much. We have sang it every Sunday since then (I think). And, God has definitely been using it to work on my heart. This has been a rough week for me, and my spirit has reveled all kinds of evil in my heart this week...I could go on and on about all the things that have made this a rough week for me, but really, they're are just excuses for me to act immaturely, and with a hard, hard heart. So, in my attempts to be vulnerable, here are the lyrics with my own little side notes of what I am thinking when I sing it....

Give Me Faith
I need you
To soften my heart
(Lord, please do this, cause right now its pretty hard in so many ways)
To break me apart (ok, don't break me apart though...that part may hurt, and well...not really up for hurting)
I need you
To open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life
(sometimes I need to be reminded that You have this...You've got it...all of it)

All I am
I surrender
(Well, see, can't really do family, and my work??? are You really sure that You can handle that for me?)
Give me faith
To trust what You say (why do I struggle with this so?)
That You're good and Your love is great (sometimes I know and believe this, and other times, I just know, but can't really believe it, and sometimes I'm not sure, but I just have to believe it, oh, and I tear up every single time I sing this line)
I'm broken inside
I give You my life (okay, yes, I am broken, You can have me)

This is true, I go through these thoughts everytime! There is another verse, and then the chorus again, and then the bridge:

I may be weak, but Your spirit's strong in me
My flesh may fail, but my God You never will (Lord, I am so weak, and I am so thankful that You are strong, can You please just continue to prove that to me until I can't question it anymore - I SO need You)

I cannot express the thankfulness I have for a church that seeks truth, and a church that desires to teach biblical truth. It reaches our family in so many ways. On top of that, we have family, friends, a community group, work places, and so many others around us that continue lift us up, speak truth to us, and encourage us daily. There is no denying that I am somewhat struggling this week (and I don't really even have a reason), and if I am honest, have been struggling in different ways for a while. So, its overwhelming really to think about all that God has placed around me and my family to help us through...He continues to move me closer to Him, and I am thankful for all I learn in the process!


Garrett and Allison Reed said...

Bailey, I love you and your vulnerability so much. I can't wait to spend time with you soon. I'm hoping we will get to bring Evan home this week. I will keep you posted. Definitely praying for you!!!

Mountain Dreamer said...

Bailey, you, Jonathan and Emrick are the light of my life. Next to my wife I love the three of you more than anything in the world. It makes my heart ache to know that your are in such turmoil and I only wish I could somehow fix it. Just know that God hears every prayer and keeps you close to his heart always. Know too that we are hear for WHATEVER need you may have. I love you more than you can ever know and I thank God for bringing you into our lives and being such a wonderful wife for our son and such a wonderful mother for our grandson. No matter what, I know that you are not perfect and I love you anyway. I also know that I am not perfect and I KNOW that you love me anyway. This is God's way. You and Jonathan have taught ME sooooo much over the past few years about faith and love and trust. You will never know just how much of an impact you have had on my life. Just know that you are loved always and forever. Dad